Mental Jungles
by SugaMama09
Summary: I wish I could explain what I'm mentally going through right now but the words just will not come so instead, I chose a medium that I am most comfortable with, sat down in front of my laptop with a blank page pulled up & let my hands take it from there
1. Prelude

He blinked to get his eyes to focus. Where was he again? Oh…right, in the car. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. 4:45am. He needed to go to sleep but there was really no point since he had to be up in two &amp; a half hours. Maybe on the way to work he'd get an energy drink or take a nap during his lunch break.

He glanced down at his hand. His cigarette had completely burnt out, probably long ago. He flicked it out the window &amp; suddenly he wondered what it would be like had the cigarette gotten into the gas tank &amp; blown the car up. Would he feel anything? Like would it hurt? Would he be afraid? Would he have regrets just milliseconds before the explosion, like, "Oh but I have so much to live for!". He didn't think so. He wasn't necessarily ready to die but he'd be ok with it when his time came.

Something warm ran down his cheek but he didn't bother wiping it away. He'd involuntarily began crying some three hours ago. He wasn't really sad…just kinda…lost, for lack of a better word. Maybe fed up was a better word. A few times he felt himself get choked up &amp; let the sobs rack his body, causing thick blobs of snot to seep out of his nose. It was an ugly sight, he already knew. He wiped the snot away but left the tears. It just felt natural.

His hand sought out the bottle of Jack Daniel's in his passenger seat. He found it but he also found that it was empty. Wonderful. Now how was he going to cope at work tomorrow with no alcohol in his system? He didn't get paid for another week; the money he did have was reserved for gas. Ah well it was probably for the bes-

Then the memories of That Night came back: the gin he guzzled, cheered on by Him, grimacing at the awful burn it left but acting like it was nothing, vaguely hearing His brother pausing the game, knowing something bad was about to happ-

His face scrunched up again as tears streamed down his face like rain on a window. Ok so maybe dying wouldn't be so bad right now….

.

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**This is a work in progress so I am almost positive it will not get a scheduled update. Please bear with me**


	2. How It All Began

_Sesshomaru eyed the guy sitting across the lunchroom with interest. He was quite an attractive guy: tall, nicely shaped body, pleasant smile. The inuyoukai had just noticed him a few days ago but according to one of his coworkers he'd been working here for a few months now. _

"_Think his name is Naraku" one of his coworkers told him, noticing the way Sesshomaru was looking at him, "I think he's single too"_

"_I couldn't care less about his status as a single man or otherwise" Sesshomaru said in a low voice, looking down at his phone. To be honest he hadn't thought about it until just now. Not to say he wanted to go up to the guy &amp; hand him a sheet of paper with "Check the box next to yes if you like me" but…he was curious._

"_Jason said he's a pretty good worker. He's thinking about recommending him to be a manager" another put in. Sesshomaru's interests peaked even more. Kami knows hard working men were one of his weaknesses._

"_But doesn't he have a record or something?" the irst coworker asked._

_That was when Sesshomaru tuned them out. He hasn't &amp; wouldn't consider a guy with a record._

_Their thirty minute break went by quickly. One minute he'd just sat down to eat his lunch, the next he had to get back to work for another five hours. It went by fairly quickly though: Sesshomaru eyeing this Naraku guy not too far away from him majority of the time. When they were done their manager asked them to help clean up &amp; the silver haired beauty found himself grabbing a broom &amp; wandering over to Naraku who was picking up trash._

_He started when Naraku glanced up at him, his wine colored eyes amused. "Needed a closer look at me?"_

_Sesshomaru paused before frowning. "I am disinterested in you &amp; more concerned with cleaning up so that I can leave"_

_Naraku gave him a lopsided smirk. "You are disinterested in me?"_

"_Do you not understand the meaning of the word or are you hard of hearing?"_

_The attractive raven haired man laughed, showing off pearly white teeth. Sesshomaru also found himself admiring the shiny ebony locks that caught the overhead lights. "What is your name?"_

_Sesshomaru was getting ready to walk away until he felt a hand wrap around his wrist, pulling him back._

"_Hey c'mon. I can't get to know you?" Naraku asked._

_Something twinged in Sesshomaru's stomach, like he had one of those door stoppers in his belly &amp; someone was flicking it. Whether it was a warning, arousel or simply being touched, he couldn't be sure but man, he could get lost in those eyes…_

"_I'm Naraku. I should've introduced myself earlier while you were staring at me"_

_The inuyoukai somehow managed not to blush. "Sesshomaru"_

_The dark haired man finally let go of the silver haired beauty's wrist &amp; smiled. "Nice. So how long have you been working here at this hell hole?"_

_Sesshomaru glanced around &amp; saw most of the cleaning had been done &amp; there was no need for him to keep the broom in his hand. He leaned it against the table behind him. "A little over a year now"_

"_Wow. Either you're desperate for money &amp; can't find another job or you really like working here"_

_The inuyoukai narrowed his eyes. "Neither"_

"_Oh? Do tell then cause I am…very curious about you"_

_It's not that Sesshomaru didn't trust Naraku [he kinda didn't but then again he didn't know him], it was just that you can't just open up to anyone. He hadn't been in many relationships &amp; he counted himself lucky because of it. The only heartbreak he'd been through was that time as a kid when he went to the ice cream truck only to find out the Sonic popsicle had been sold out. He liked the fact that there was no one he let near enough to hurt him because eventually everyone will hurt you. He had built his confidence alone so what did he need someone there for him for? He needed no one. But at this very moment the sudden thought that maybe a relationship wouldn't be so bad crossed his mind..._

_After their manager deemed everything cleaned &amp; put back in order he told them to have a good night &amp; everyone left. Sesshomaru made a pit stop to the bathroom then exited to clock out. On the way to his car he saw Naraku in the smoking section, looking down at his phone, up near the parking lot entrance, back down at his phone then around as if everyone around him in the smoking section was annoying him._

"_Are you waiting for someone to come pick you up?" Sesshomaru inquired._

_Naraku's face relaxed when he laid eyes on his newfound friend. "Nah I live pretty close. I was just waiting for a coworker in there to be finished so I could bum a cigarette off of him"_

_Sesshomaru glanced down for a moment. His mind kept telling him no but something was whispering in his ear that it couldn't be that bad of an idea. "How close do you live?"_

"_Right after the second light, going north on Cobb Parkway. It's less than a minute from here"_

"_I can take you"_

_Naraku smirked but didn't say anything for a few seconds. "Well I greatly appreciate that. Thank you"_

_The inyoukai simply nodded. He'd already been a carpool before, actually, he just recently stopped giving a ride to his previous coworker &amp; vowed he'd never do it again because it could be so inconvienant &amp; riders tended to be inconsiderate of you. But he never said he'd always give Naraku a ride. Just…for now. Until he didn't feel like it anymore._

_Naraku hopped in Sesshomaru's car &amp; seemed to relax, letting out a big exhale. "Nice whip"_

_Sesshomaru nodded once._

"_So…any plans tonight?"_

"_No"_

"_You could invite a friend or two over for some drinks with me &amp; my brother if you want"_

_Sesshomaru didn't even consider it. "No"_

"_Aww c'mon, it'll be fun. You look like you could afford to let your hair down a little. You work too hard. Just a couple drinks, that's all I ask"_

_He was not going to repeat himself again. He didn't even know this guy. Who in their right mind would go to a stranger's house &amp; drink with him &amp; his brother? That's just asking for trouble._

"_Alright, alright. I'll leave it alone" Naraku surrendered with a chuckle, "But seriously you should. It'll be fun"_

_Sesshomaru dropped Naraku off &amp; went home. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit interested in Naraku. He was different from all the other guys that tried to win the inuyoukai's affections &amp; it was the kind of different that made Sesshomaru want to know more about him. He was mysterious &amp;...strange...&amp; a little off...&amp; Sesshomaru liked that._


	3. Mind Over What Matters

**A huge shout out goes out to my favorite author, PhoenixDiamond, who helped me out a lot with this story. I thank every single one of you who have patiently waited for me to update this story. I'll concentrate on this story before I go back to A Couple of Forevers. I won't let you guys down.**

* * *

Sesshomaru took a deep breath. He could do this. People did it everyday with no problem. He was going to be alright. Everything...was going to be alright.

Looking around, he made sure the coast was clear then he stepped out of his cool car into the humid, morning air &amp; closed the door. His heart got jammed up in his throat but he swallowed it down as best he could before he jogged to the door of Chipotle &amp; unlocked it.

A few months ago he was hired as a crew member &amp; within two weeks he'd been promoted to back kitchen manager [which basically meant he was in charge of making sure the food was cleaned &amp; prepared for his shift &amp; the next then the kitchen area was clean &amp; neat before he left but he also worked on the line every once in a while]. While it had its perks, coming in at six in the morning while it was still dark was not one.

He hurriedly closed the door behind him before half-breathing a sigh of relief. One step down, one more to go. He gripped his keys in one hand as he made his way silently to the back of the store where the light switch was, listening for any movement. The shadows played tricks on his eyes; the passing car headlights made them jump &amp; shift in a way that made them look demonic. It kept the tiny hairs on his arms stiff. When the light switch was in reach he quickly turned on the ones inside the store before he looked around again to make sure he was alone. He sighed again, relaxin-

Something brushed his ear &amp; he practically leaped to the other end of the kitchen, his back pressed against the walk-in &amp; the hand gripping his keys shaking as he held it out in self defense...but nothing was there. He was still alone. He dropped his arm &amp; swallowed several times. Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breath out...calm down...you're alright...you're safe.

Sesshomaru tucked his hair behind his ear &amp; rubbed his face. He would need to go see his therapist again today because apparently the medication wasn't doing anything for hi-

Something brushed his ear again &amp; he jumped but not quite as far as he did the first time. He glanced out the corner of his eye only to find his hair, being rebellious &amp; not staying behind his ear. He released a puff of air through his nose &amp; tied his hair into a knot. He needed to get himself together. It'd almost been a year-

_"I've gotten stupider since I started dating you"_

_Sesshomaru frowned. "What?"_

_"I used to be pretty smart but ever since I started dating you, I've gotten dumber. I can barely remember peoples' names now"_

_"You were unintelligent when I met you, Naraku"_

_The half spider demon sneered at him. "Then why are you still with me? You that self conscious?"_

Sesshomaru pressed the heel of his hands to his temples. No, no, no, not while he was at work! He had to keep it together. He struggled trying to think of the techniques his therapist taught him. You are attractive, you are loved, you matter, you...you...

Well, guess all of that was based on opinion. He hadn't been able to hold a steady relationship ever since Him so something must be wrong with him. He couldn't always blame someone else.

There was a knock at the door &amp; Sesshomaru looked up to find his assistant manager at the door, a cup of coffee in each hand. It was then Sesshomaru noticed the sun was almost up.

He opened up the door. "Good morning, Melvin"

"Hey what's up, man? Brought you a coffee"

The inuyoukai nodded his thanks &amp; took a sip. Ooh, perfect. "We have a lot to do today so I'm more than likely going to have four people doing prep until rush hour"

Melvin raised an eyebrow. "Damn, what happened yesterday?"

"Well, you know we had that deal on the sofritas so everyone &amp; their mother came to get one. We have to prepare seven cases of onions, eight cases of tomatoes, at least four cases of corn &amp; we need a lot of lettuce cut &amp; washed"

"How much is a lot?"

"As much as we currently have in the store"

Melvin whistled underneath his breath.

"I'll get started on the onions. I need you to start on the chips"

"Aight"

The young assistant manager [he was 20 years old] turned on Pandora on his phone &amp; plugged the auxiliery cord into the headphone jack so his music could be heard throughout the store. His taste in music was very broad, from German hard rock to gangster rap &amp; every once in a while Sesshomaru would walk into the store on some Brahms &amp; Italian opera. Today he was playing some RnB from the '90s, which kicked off with Waterfalls from TLC. It was hard not to bob his head to it.

Sesshomaru cut up the cases of onions in a little over an hour. By that time Melvin had already prepped, fried &amp; distributed the chips into bags, set the line up &amp; he was currently cutting up the lettuce. He sang along quietly to I Wanna Know by Joe. Sesshomaru smiled very slightly to himself; if Melvin wasn't so young he could see himself with him even though the young buck was straight. Melvin was a funny guy. Kind of a dog but he cared a lot about his girlfriend, Leonine, who also worked here. Three more of their co-workers arrived &amp; they all got started on various things as they prepared to open the store.

It was days like this when Sesshomaru felt normal. When he had something to occupy his hands or something that challenged him mentally he didn't think about being a victim, how the mighty had fallen, how could he have let it get that far, what would his family say if they knew the truth...none of it mattered. He had a life now, a life that had room for improvement which he worked on everyday. He considered moving out of the city, hell, out of the state, but what would that change? He'd still be the same old-

_"You don't ever take my side, just like my mom. It's always all about Onigumo &amp; I'm the bad guy"_

_Sesshomaru's jaw clenched in irritation at the same time his hand involuntarily gripped the steering wheel. "The fights you have with your brother are none of my concern, Naraku. Pay for your portion of the room, how hard is that?"_

_Naraku threw his hands up &amp; let them hit his lap in exasperation. "So you think I'm the bad guy too..."_

_"You don't pay for your portion of the room, Naraku! You expect Onigumo to pay for the whole thing like you don't have a job!"_

_"I don't get shit at that candy factory! I got more money training as a fitness trainer back home when I was rolling in money!"_

_"Then maybe you should go back home" Sesshomaru said in a low voice, wanting his boyfriend to just shut up already._

_"I should...matter of fact, I will. Don't even take me home after work, just drop me off at the bus stop" the spider demon said, knowing it tore the inuyoukai up not having him ther-_

Sesshomaru snapped out of it &amp; realized he was panting. His hands were clutching the prep table so hard it was denting. He let it go quickly before anyone saw.

"Sessh!"

The inuyoukai glanced up at one of his co-workers who was pointing to the clock. 10:00. Time to make the donuts.

He nodded. "Unlock the doors"


	4. Pet Names

**Ah my apologies for the long wait...[dodges a head a rotten lettuce thrown]**

* * *

Sesshomaru sat up in bed so quickly his head spun &amp; his stomach rolled. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, he did his best to calm his breathing down. You're alright. You're safe. Everything is ok.

His heart was racing. What was he even dreaming about? He didn't remember much, just blurry blobs in front of light &amp; the comforter of a hotel bed-

_"Ooh, chug that shit, baby. Daddy likes that..."_

_Sesshomaru winced as he swallowed the gin. God it was such an awful taste...as soon as he started to feel it he was going to stop but until then..._

_Naraku's face swam in front of his, a little smirk lifting the side of his lips. "How you feel?"_

_Sesshomaru found it difficult to concentrate hard enough to put the cap back on the bottle. Did Naraku even realize how attractive he was? Probably so. "Feel...pretty good..."_

_"C'mere..."_

Sesshomaru screwed his eyes shut. No. No, no, no. He didn't want to remember.

_Sesshomaru raised himself from his sitting position at the end of the bed onto his hands his knees &amp; crawled towards Naraku, pressing his lips to the kumo's-_

The inuyoukai groaned in disgust. If there was anything that could break him out of his flashbacks, it was remembering kissing or hugging or even having fond thoughts about that...that asshole. He started that same, tired barrage of questions: how did I let it get that far? Why didn't I stop? WHy did I put up with him for so long? Am I stupid, desperate? Am I just not worthy?

But he sighed &amp; left all the questions unanswered for now. He just didn't care about the answers right now because it wasn't like it was going to change anything.

With another great sigh he got out of bed &amp; turned on the shower. He was in the mood for some lounge jazz, something soft that was going to keep him calm. He stripped &amp; stepped into the water that was just beginning to turn warm. Once the temperature was perfect, he turned to his built in, water resistant Sirius XM radio &amp; turned it to Real Jazz, one of his favorite stations. They were playing an instrumental version of Dream A Little Dream of Me at the moment &amp; Sesshomaru closed his eyes. This radio &amp; the speakers hanging from the ceiling, pointing at the shower was the best investment he'd made in a long time.

After his shower he started on breakfast then took it back to his room so he could watch his show on Netflix. Out of the corner of his eye the LED of his phone notification flashed blue. Either he had a missed call, a voicemail or a notification from Tumblr. He picked up his phone &amp; let out a heavy sigh. Three missed calls &amp; a voicemail. As soon as he saw the missed calls were from Chipotle he put his computer to sleep. So much for a relaxing day at home.

"Sessh, two people called out. Could you come in please?" the store manager, Dominique, left in a voicemail, "Call me back"

The inuyoukai ate his breakfast quickly, dressed &amp; walked out to his car then got behind the wheel. As he started his car he called Dominique back. "I'm on my way"

.  
..

Chipotle was a mess. Customers were packed in the dining room, kids ran around like they had no home training, the drink area was a mess, the line was to the other side of the store &amp; all of the workers were on the line which meant no one was prepping...which means they were constantly running out of stuff.

"I need brown rice on the line!" a worker called.

"Brown rice heard!" the cook shouted back but first he had to turn all the chicken on the grill before it burned.

"I need lettuce on the line!" Dominique shouted, right before she told the cashier what the next order was so they could go ahead &amp; have the order ready when the customer was ready to pay.

"Lettuce heard!"

Sesshomaru put his cap on &amp; grabbed an apron from the office. He didn't have time to wash his hands at the moment so he slid on some gloves &amp; grabbed some lettuce out of the walk-in. He put the container on the line then filled three more containers &amp; put them under the line. He grabbed a container of brown &amp; white rice, black beans, chicken &amp; steak &amp; put them on the line, refilled the salsas &amp; put more cups underneath the line.

"I need you to be linebacker" Dominique said almost under her breath &amp; he nodded in response. All a linebacker did was refill the lines &amp; grab anything the line needs...like what he'd just done.

"'Scuse me"

Sesshomaru stopped on his trek to the kitchen to give his attention to a customer who was almost practically in the kitchen. The irritation must have showed on his face because she backed up a few steps.

"My bowl doesn't have the guacamole I asked for" she said, pointing to a chicken bowl that was 75% eaten anyway.

"I need a side of guac" Sesshomaru called.

"Side of guac heard!"

"Thank you" the customer said. She took a step to the side to pay for the guacamole. Sesshomaru decided to check the drink station to make sure it was neat &amp; stocked. Besides a few drops of soda &amp; a couple of straws sticking out like stray hairs, it was neat. The inuyoukai simply fixed that &amp; turned to go back into the kitchen...then stopped. A man had walked up to the woman who'd just ordered the side of guacamole. He must have been a boyfriend or husband because he put a hand on her lower back &amp; said something to her in her ear. Sesshomaru felt his chest caving in with panic. The resemblance was uncanny...the nose, the smile, the way he positioned his body to let his lady know he was ready to get back to his food...even his hair was so much like His that Sesshomaru already knew what it felt like just by looking at it. The demon's eyes began to burn from lack of blinking. He had to get out of there or he was going to have another episode. Stop. Stop it.

Sesshomaru had to force himself to look away in such a violent manner he accidently hit someone who'd come up behind him. The inuyoukai's breath caught, afraid the face would be familiar but it was just a customer who looked as surprised as Sesshomaru felt.

"Oh I'm sorry" the inuyoukai said quickly.

The man smiled. "You're fine"

Sesshomaru grabbed his dishcloth &amp; headed back to the kitchen, doing his best to avoid looking in the direction of the cash register.

.  
..

Nights were always the hardest. It was something about a sky void of sun that made Sesshomaru feel like he was losing something very important.

"You ready?"

Sesshomaru saved the schedule for next week &amp; shut his computer down. "Yeah"

The demon wasn't sure how but somehow Melvin understood it was necessary for someone to walk out to the parking lot with the inuyoukai. Sesshomaru had never mentioned anything about it &amp; he was positive no one knew about his biggest fears because he'd told no one so it wasn't like there was gossip. Maybe Melvin was just observative. Maybe he just thought it made sense. Either way he greatly appreciated it.

Sesshomaru turned &amp; locked the door while Melvin waited beside him sipping on his Mr. Pibb. "Today wasn't such a bad day"

"...Yeah. Something like that"

"Hey you should come to Leo's party Saturday. She was going to bring invitations to work but she said the printer was acting up so she couldn't print them off. She knows you so she'll let you in"

"I uh...I'm working at my other job this weekend"

Melvin frowned. "Well that sucks. Are they giving you overtime?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's mandatory overtime. Production was slow this week so they're trying to make up for it with these weekend shifts &amp; all..."

"Ah"

There was a small silence between the two until they came to Sesshomaru's car then the inuyoukai took his keys out of his pocket &amp; unlocked the door. "See you tomorrow"

Melvin gave a two finger salute. "Drive safe, Sessh"

Sessh...

Sessh...

_"Gettin' kinda chunky aren't ya, Sessh?"_

_Sesshomaru frowned at Naraku's reflection in the mirror. "What the hell are you talking about?"_

_"You didn't used to have love handles but now..."_

_The inuyoukai looked at his naked torso &amp; squinted. He did look a little flabbier around his waistline. He still had his six pack but the lower two didn't look quite as defined as the others._

_"I mean it's not a big deal. You can just work out with me...&amp; maybe cut back on those late night runs to Wendy's"_

_The silver haired beauty whirled around. "The only times I make a late night run to Wendy's is when your ass wants something &amp; you get all that greasy food. All I get is a small Frosty &amp; there was only one occasion when I ordered a chicken sandwich &amp; a medium fry!"_

_"I'm just saying maybe you should cut the Frosty's, hun"_

_Hun. Ugh, Sesshomaru hated being called that. "Fuck you, Naraku"_

Sesshomaru found himself panting against his car, hands clenched into fists. This had to stop. It should have stopped by now but for some reason, a year later, it still had the dog demon in its grips, squeezing him to death, slowly crushing him &amp; suffocatin-

"Aye"

The inuyoukai jumped &amp; backed up a few steps as he turned towards Melvin who he hadn't realized was standing right beside him. His reaction was so quick it scared Melvin too &amp; the young man backed up a few steps too.

"Aye man, you aight?"

Sesshomaru swallowed a few times before he responded with a nod. "I-I'm fine"

"Hey if you need a ride home..."

"No, no, I'm ok, Melvin. I can get myself home tonight"

Melvin looked doubtful but he took a few steps towards his car. "Well...alright. Text me when you get home so I know you made it ok"

Sesshomaru nodded &amp; got in his car. When he turned it on his eyes went to the gas tank &amp; he sighed when he saw he was on E. Guess he was spending another night in his car.


End file.
